I am free
If killing yourself is the way to change
Let's go to war

And in all of this
All I wanted was peace

And to wrong you would be to end my life.

... Oh yeah, and i got a car
FUCK YEAH BROOM BROOM

You know those pictures and things you see on facebook, that you tag your friends and crap in... Well, im not partial to them that much however, just now, my amazing girlfriend uploaded one and tagged me in it, she wrote it out one day and i just think she is the cutest thing in the world.















I Love You Charlotte Hannah Payne.

Sometimes i just hate myself.idontknowwhy

Need for Speed Carbon

Recently. I have got my hands on the PS3 version of Need for Speed Carbon.
Some of my most fondest memories of the NFS franchise stemmed from this game when i had it on PS2, and it was more than i remembered, and has many new features since it has been ported to the PS3... New online race modes, and a new offline career race known as race wars. I dont remember that being in the PS2 version but i have a crap memory.
Carbon was the first NFS game to introduce 'autosculpt' a revolutionary new way to personalise alot of aspects of your car, while it could be much better, it is certainly better than that of Most Wanted, where i found myself using the same body kit for every car.
overall gameplay is fun, keeping in mind the age of the game.
The soundtrack could be improved however, most of the time i found myself turning the volume down and putting my itunes on.
The amount of cars in the game is wonderful with a wide variety, however the tier system can be confusing at times, as can the unlocks at the end of every race, often you will find yourself unlocking the last package for somethign before you unlock the first, however this can provide you with an advantage if you want to go back and slay that one race you couldnt with your 'street package' engine, having unlocked the 'racing package'.
Many of the races i found myself out manouvering instead of out running opponents, it is quite difficult toward the end when you are driving say a subaru wrx and your competition has a corvette zo6 or a porche carrera gt.

in all, the nostalgia has helped my oppinion of this game, unfortunately i cant say that it was all the game itself.
4/5 is my rating, 2 of that 4 is due to nostalgia. Sadly.

Negativity versus negativity brings nothing positive, positively.

The broken glass inside my head; just another metaphor of my fractured mind and un-stable being.

I love my girlfriend so much.
She makes life that much sweeter.
And the things she says makes my heart melt.
Talk of the future doesnt scare the living shit out of me with her.
All i can do is look forward.

I love you Charlie Payne.

Dead end and no way back
Walls came crashing down on me
What dare I try, what dare I do
My mind will go insane
Change is the headline and I am reborn
All the crying, all the mourning is gone

I woke up with a new view of life
I don't know what has happened to the past (life)

Life is too short to think all through
Life is too short to waste it all

All my family seems to do is fight
and yell
and scream about money
if this is what life is going to be like.
I will spill the blood from my throat right now.
I do not want to be apart of this world if its full of this bullshit.

And all I know is
Revenge is sweet when
You know that you are worthless
And I am better than
The games that you play princess
(I've played)
And always win

This is my Deviant ID for my online art page at http://ghost-eyes.deviantart.com/
Picture was taken by a good friend, and edited by me :)

Greedy money grubbing fat cunt son of a bitch mother fucking asshole... etc.

Recently, i have found that not only do some people use family as a group of people for support.
They see them as a bank account.
Recently, some of you know my nan died. Now, i fucking loved my nan, she was like a second mother to me, and i would have walked the earth to make her happy, the most amazing individual i have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Rest in peace nanna.
Anyway
The person who is left to pick up the pieces is my pop, the strongest man i know, and as it comes being his age, losing someone you are dependant on, will break you, and pop wont last much longer as it is. And like my nan, i fucking love my pop, and he has also been like a second father.

Now, my mothers sister, this cow of a human being, is trying to contest the will she was left out of.
Trying to take away any money she can for her own broke materialistic ass.
Trying to take away money that really, istn there.
Pop has about enough money in a trust for his own funeral.
And she wants that, we are talking 5 grand max

Now, lets put things into perspective

margaret is married to alan (fat cunt)

fat cunt is a gold digger
and pushes margaret to get money
margaret thinks fat cunt loves her
all fat cunt loves is food and money (probably to buy said food)

Fat cunt wants margaret to get money off pop because he thinks that they have money stashed somewhere
Fat cunt will then run off
leaving margaret alone
and with her family hating her

Fat cunt is a fat cunt
and if it was up to me
i would be up there
beating him to death
with the piece of copper pipe we have sitting at the door of the shed
watching the blood from his head
spill all over the white carpet of his 2 story mansion that they cant afford.


Baseball bat - $20
Watching your head cave in when it connects - Priceless...

Collisions And Castaways... FUCK YEAH!

Today i got 36 Crazyfists new album: Collisions And Castaways.
Basically, best thing cd ive bought all year.
In a nutshell
i describe this as
HOLYFUCKINGSHITTITSWOOOO
Track listing is as follows.

No.	Title	Length
1.	"In the Midnights"	5:34
2.	"Whitewater"	3:21
3.	"Mercy and Grace"	3:50
4.	"Death Renames the Light"	3:34
5.	"Anchors"	5:40
6.	"Long Road to Late Nights"	1:46
7.	"Trenches"	3:36
8.	"Reviver"	3:42
9.	"Caving in Spirals"	4:21
10.	"The Deserter" (ft. Brandon Davis of Across The Sun)	4:22
11.	"Waterhaul II"

The band has a new sound, but still managed to keep me captivated the whole album, with lyrics based on the same principals as every other one of their albums.
Through Pain, Comes music.
Through Music, Comes understanding of pain.

blink-182 - Down

The drops of rain they fall all over
This awkward silence makes me crazy
The glow inside burns light upon her
I'll try to kiss you if you let me
(this can't be the end)

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad

Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

Your vows of silence fall all over
The look in your eyes makes me crazy
I feel the darkness break upon her
I'll take you over if you let me
(You did this)

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad.

Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

Reject Yourself. Break Free From Your Own Hold. Throw Yourself Into The Light, No Matter How Deep The Chasm That Awaits You May Be.

This city,
These walls,
The suffocating grey,
Their crushing weight.
The concrete has an effect on ones soul.
Bringing a dull darkness inside you,
Spreading the concrete jungle throughout you,
intertwining your life within the city outside.
Ensnaring you within your own mind.
Can you think of a way out?
No because your mind has become the deadweight,
dragging you beneath the crashing waves.

Lets Slit Our Wrists and Burn, Down Something Beautiful

Lately, i have come to the realisation, that i have the inability to feel anything.
That day when my nan died, something inside me changed.
I havent felt the same about anything since shes been gone.
Since my uncle called that thursday night.
I havent felt any emotion toward anything. Life feels empty, and i need to feel whole again.
I cant find whats missing, i am lost, and i just want to feel again, ive been cold for too long.
I just want my nan back, I miss her so fucking bad.

Dead Souls.

Im having a really lethargic, trippy day today...
Anyway, i had this thought.
Soul's

The soul has often been deemed integral or essential to consciousness and personality and may be synonymous with spirit, mind or self.

Basically the sould is beleived to posess every fiber of your spiritual being.
I was thinking.
If something much like a super nova existed within the soul. As in a second life for a departed soul, where it could live out perhaps another life, then die wholey, in some sudden super nova esq explosion, would all of that beings personality and such be exhaled in a bewildering blast?
Would an excitable persons soul explode in colour and hapiness?
And if so, you would have to think about those souls full of hate, that would explode with more hate, and malice than anyone could ever believe, perhaps decimate and corrupt other souls.

Or. Perhaps, ive just thought about stuff too much again.

Your words are suspended in my mind.

Much like i am suspended in your noose.

Go team!

Mel Morris is my top follower
ily Mel.

I AM Happy :)

Hey baby, here's that song you wanted.

Recently got my hands on Blessthefall's latest album 'Witness'
Its pretty freaking amazing

Today i was reading through a book of my thoughts, and i flipped to a page from 2008, there was a blood stain and words violently scratched in with pen.
those words read:
"i hate myself and i wish it would end"
i know where that blood came from
but i do not know the origin of the words.
I sat there in thought for 5 minutes, then tore the page out and burnt it.
Things are looking up now that i have found you.
Thankyou for saving me.

Out of everyone i know. You are the only one that isnt talking at me

I never thought this could run as deep as it does.
Through my veins straight to my heart.
Each word you speak and every breath i take it grows in me.

You know.
Right now.
I just realised
exactly how much you screwed me up.
I dont understand why i didnt listen to everyone telling me you are a bitch.
I was stupid to think there was some good in you.
But now i realise all the complexes i am having because of all your bullshit,
im glad that i can see the truth, and im even happier ive found someone better.

We are all living in a dreamscape. Its now time for us all to wake the F**k up see the light and realise the truth isnt as pretty as it seems.

Looking back at the past. I regret nothing.
I realise that i cant Change it, and i know i can tell you where to go in future.

An early thought for the day ahead.

Im talking to you. And i love that i look at the clock, and its 12 am

Then 5 minutes later. Its 1 am.

Today i saw you a little bit upset.
It hurt me inside to see that smile wiped from your face.
That beautiful smile that reaches inside me.
And wrenches my soul back to reality.
It was gone.
So much emotion in those eyes.
I didnt know what to do.
So, i tired to make you happy.
And, in the end, seeing you smile again.
It blew me away.

It made my day...

... Again.

Nineteen84

War Is Peace
Freedom Is Slavery
Ignorance Is Strength

If i said i wanted to hold you.
what would you say?
If i said i wanted to put my arms around your waist.
What would you say?
If i said, i wanted to press my lips to yours.
What would you say
If i tried to say how i feel.
But nothing came out.
Would you say it for me?

More. Words for her,

Knowing you has only helped it manifest inside of me
Getting closer has only made it stronger.
With every breath i exhale.
With every step i take.
I fall for you.
Further and further i fall.
And, im not afraid of how far i go.
I dont want to come back from this.
It feels too good.

Words for her.

No words can describe what i feel about her.
No matter how hard i try.
No matter how many things i say.
No matter how many times i try to show her.
No matter how many ways i try.
I will never feel like ive said it all.

One day i could wake up dead.
Atleast i'll know that i spoke to you last.

Each and every day, I long for that hug at the end of the day.
~And each and every day, I never want it to end.

i dont know why, but i feel like you dont want to talk anymore. I feel over shadowed and i just want to get out of your way. I dont know whats wrong or why. I just feel helpless, the truth invades my thoughts and i know deep down that i will get no further, but i still try and i dont know why. I wish i wouldnt,I wish you would say something. I feel like i annoy you, but you would never tell me if i did.
but
its probably just me again.
I wish i could convince myself it was me.

Seriously hanging out for Parkway Drives new album
here is theyre latest vid for their pre-release track. Sleepwalker

...It has been said. She can pull the tears from the skies.

With knives in hand we stab at the sands of time To turn back and unwind.

I am drowning in a pool of my own thoughts.

You are.
The hole in my head.
That was left by the bullet.
That free'd my mind.
From hopeless insecurities.

Here We Stand - Amber Pacific

I really love this song. I think you should listen to it. i picked a video with lyrics just incase there are people wanting them.
Beautiful song, and i bet im not the only one thinking of someone while listening to it.

...Black Gives Way To Blue

The past few days i have been listening to the latest Alice In Chains album. And. I am quite dissapointed in it. And the band, that is quite hard to say, because being my favourite band i idolise them. But, even though i think the album could have been better, I think William has done a fantastic job filling Layne's shoes, however no one will ever amount to the man himself. Never the less, listening to it 32 times in a row has made me see flaws in the music, and pointless, disgraceful attempts to replace Layne's uniqueness. I think that dissapoints me the most.

Set your sights on the horizon, reach for the sky, and be consumed by time as it eats us alive.

.. and now i bet you regret it.

I have been thinking lately, about all the things you had done to me, and all the people that dont like you. I feel sorry for you. Im glad i got out, but i regret you being stupid and stuck up about it. And i know you realise what you missed out on, and it makes me smile.
I hate to see even you alone, without anyone who actually likes you. And i think. Over all, that makes me the mature one.

~At times i find myself sitting in a crowded area.
On a bus, In a class.
And all of a sudden i feel a smile on my face and i realise im smiling like a retard.
All because i was thinking of you.~

Only kings can afford to fly.

Some days. I watch those people flying from buildings.
As the windows pass. Do they start to cry?
I wonder what it would be like.
To fall
From a height so grand.
Would you feel free?
Or would you feel helpless?
To know that nothing after this will follow.
I think
Would be liberating.

Its not my head. Its the other one.

Im not willing to hurt you again.
But im not sure whether or not i can pretend that its all ok.
I want you to know how it is still there and it hurts.
But that will hurt you.
Perhaps, I can wait till im out of here.
Or perhaps i will cave when i see you next.
Why did i let this happen
Why didnt i see this happening before my eyes.
And now i cant stop it anymore.
I dont know who its hurting anymore.

Is it in my head or my heart?
Im afraid it may be the latter.
Im afraid of saying anything.
Im afraid of the outcome being the same.
Im afraid that the signs arent clear enough.
And im afraid that im Wrong

Without the life you had given.
What flows through these veins?
I dont want to change the world.
I just want to change your mind.

Grand Funk Railroad

I really love this band
and basically
thats it.

re·place (r-pls)
tr.v. re·placed, re·plac·ing, re·plac·es
1. To put back into a former position or place.
2. To take or fill the place of.
3. To be or provide a substitute for.

Do you ever feel like your being replaced?
I feel like that right now.
By someone who i thought was/is my friend.
Or maybe im just jealous.
Or paranoid.
I do not know.
I just feel like im slipping from where i was.
Or. Maybe being pulled from where i was.

attacking robotic unicorns ftw..

ok so basically this is just a post to display my utmost approval of the single greatest thing i have ever found on the internet...

http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html

SO MANY STARS FLYING BY AND FAIRIES AND CLIFFS SAVE THE ROBOT UNICORN SAVE ITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*twitches*

Untitled.

I thought it would be easy to just agree with what you said.
and get on with it you know.
But this is hard.
To deny what i know is still there.
And hasnt moved.
It feels stronger with everyday.
That lie still stands, and it will until i leave.
And that hurts.
Quite abit actually.
Like you wouldnt believe.
Its a lie to keep us apart, And a lie to keep us together.
So, Tell me.
Which one hurts more?

This pain will bring me to my knees.

Do you know what its like to see the strongest person you know, break down? I saw that today, And i will never forget it. Its riping me apart. As he fought back the tears he said to me. Adam im sorry, im so sorry, i did everything i could to stop it, im so sorry.

You had no need to apologise
You did everything you could to save her pop
you did nothing wrong
you did everything right
There was nothing you could have done

I cant believe how desolate i feel.
I just want to feel
And to cry
And to hug my pop. And hold onto him and tell him that everything will be ok. And that im here, and always will be. For anything he needs.

XxxX

Don't tell me it's over just yet
Because when you said you would be here forever
I figured that bought us some time
But time past through us

R.I.P I will always love you. You were the greatest nana i could have asked for. And the most kind, caring and sympathetic little old lady i had ever met.
Dont worry. I will look after pop.

Much love. And goodbye nana. Ill miss you forever.

My heart beats for it.

Even though its all said
And done. Finished.
Im afraid i will slip.
Back to where i was before,
So afraid to fall again.
Or.
Am i afraid to let go?
...
Hmmm.

The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live

Its always raining in my head

How do you tell someone
How you feel.
How can you put such a strong emotion into words?
You cant write it.
You cant speak it.
Only feel it.

If i told you that everytime i see you
I get butterflies.
It wouldnt be the same
It wouldnt sound right
And everytime i hear you.
My heart lights up
Everytime you smile
Everything seems ok
No problems
Everything just drifts away. Into darkness, Never to bother me again.

It doesnt help that these feelings arent going away fast enough
I didnt ask for this
I didnt expect this
It hit me like a train
You walked into my life
I wasnt looking

But im glad i found you
And i can feel it all...
See it all slipping away
I dont want it to.
You dont want it to
I want you to stay, With me
One way or another.

Words mean nothing
But this is all i can think about.
And how much i am hurting you.

I am so sorry for all the bullshit you have had to go through

and now.
my head is filled with words that are raining and i cant form a complete sentence.
There is more but i cannot write.

...

DnM's. MnM's...
Its all the same to a fat kid.

From here. The sun rises on the blade of a knife

It may seem at last, days passing mean nothing
But the sun that sets cause only pain
Violence in words, like slashes, wound deeply
Love is not when you feel only pain

Without a deity i have no where to turn. I just want one thing to go right. One fucking thing. People say that without a god my life is meaningless. I choose to find meaning through myself and another person. I need no greater power to look to when the shit hits the fan. But still. I need saving. So what are you waiting for. Come fucking save me or forsake me and let me die.

Carrion - Parkway Drive

Because Lyrics speak louder than anything i could type here.

Carrion
In a moment I'm lost
Dying from the inside
Her eyes take me away
Tear me apart from the inside out
Dead eyes speak in volumes?
But our lips refuse to move
Could this ever be the last time?
The final time that we see this road
Give me the strength to return
Return the breath you've stolen
Give me the means to reset
Reset
Her heart I've broken again
Reflections built up on sorrow
We're walking the darkest road
Within chests carved with regret
In a moment I've lost
Dying from the inside
Her eyes take me away
Tear me apart from the inside out
Oh
From the inside out
The inside out
We've been running blind
Now we're falling through the cracks
We are falling
We are running blind
Now we're falling
Falling through the cracks
Into the world of the dead
Her shining eyes
Her shining eyes
Her shining eyes mark our return
Back to the world of the dead
In a moment I'm lost
Dying from the inside
Her eyes take me away
Tear me apart from the inside out
My love I lost
My heart I've lost
With no promise to return
No promise of return

Its stuff like this in my head that makes me feel strange

And the ashes will fall to earth and you will be blown away as your empire is brought to its knees and executed for the world; to know fear yours must first know pain

Chaos theory?

It has been said that something so small as a flutter from a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world.

Where do these words come from?

I think people should decide for themselves how they feel. In the end, It will be your feelings that should decide what to do. Advice is great, but you should never take advice over what you actually feel...

This song by spineshank is a perfect portrayal of the message im trying to put across

"Don't wanna see, Don't wanna think, Don't wanna speak for yourself"

Its a war for freedom

You fight for yourselves. Your petty prize. That you hide behind independance. You kill for a better life. Why? whats not to say another person would do the same to you and claim its for independance. What the fuck is wrong with this world. You continue to put holes in some ones land for oil? For a price which will never be repayed. Vengance is stronger than anything you can buy. No amount of bombs will stop anger. It will only reinforce it. Just stop for once. Take a look around. Be content with what you have, For once. Independance cannot be won through any war. Independance is a state of mind.

Breakdown in the key of happy

Words are so very unnecesary.
Because when im with you.
Your eyes say it all.

The voices in my head are telling me.

And it felt so different, i set the horizon in fire. Just for you.

just a little phrase i thought of.

You're ending. (The fallen angel)

The thing you will notice,
After falling,
From your perch in the clouds,
From your throne of fiction,
And obscurity.

Will be that you are disliked,
Hated.

Among those you call your friends,
And they will be the ones,
The ones to hang,
You from your perch.

So high in the clouds,
Like an angel,
Fallen,
But caught,
Around the neck.

Slowly you stop kicking,
Screaming,
Breathing,
This is the end,
And its nicer for us than you.

Would you like to take a pamph.... get the hell away from me!

so today i noticed some strange things while watching people at the mall... and have decided that i would not like to work at one of those small table things in the middle of the walking places (whatever the hell they are called) this is for many reasons.
1. i hate dealing with people
2. the abuse would be awful. like one woman i saw in the 5 minutes i was sitting there. while walking like i stuck up prune, her nose in the air acting important, the attendant walked up and started talking and trying to get her attention, after failing, she said politely "excuse me" where she got a death stare and with a flat aggressive tone recieved "No." and with that stuck her nose in the air and kept walking.
3. people act like you have the plague. Personally, i dont mind that, i am glad strange people stay away from me.
4. i would hate having to work with someone that i didnt like for the whole day, especially if i had to work a whole 6 hours with them.

anyways
i would be shit at that job, and im sure. SURE, that no matter how much everyone says dentists have a higher suicide rate than any other occupation... i say thats wrong, because i always see someone different at the booth things... Perhaps... well im sure you know what im getting at.

Now, this post seems retarded, it doesnt flow very well... but anyway there are plenty of reasons for that... mainley because im watching spongeboob.

so.... blog. Yes i made a blog :)

So i was recently informed that it was my birthright to get a blog. Or some stupid crap like that. Anyway, this is basically going to be a place where i post a bunch of random crap, whether it be funny observations in my life. Some of the poetry i think up in my handicapped mind... Well anyways, this is my first post and i have absolutley nothing to say. Except if your going to overtake me look in your blindspot, some retard almost killed his wife today (Y) good on you lazy motorist. Also, back in canberra. whic i do not really like, however i will get to see my tigereses this time which makes me happy. Hmm what else is on my mind... I suppose thats really it. Nothing left to say really, im to preoccupied with talking to people.

also any spelling mistakes you find... i dont care.